I miss you Bear

Oh boy, there is so much that I wish I could tell you Kevin. I in my minds eye can see you sitting in heaven watching over everything, somehow wishing you could reach out and hold me while going through this crazy thing called life. But today I will reach to you in my mind and my heart. You have been on my mind a lot lately, not in a creepy way per say, but in a way that I wish you were here. I just keep thinking how solid, how strong you remained in what seemed like crazy chaos. So you may or may not realize how sick Paula is. She is such a trooper. I don't know, much like in the situations with you, how either of you have stood such a deluge on your bodies. i actually found myself so able to relate to some of mom's exhaustion, although i will never be able to tap into that thing that is called motherhood. it actually is okay though because i fear that were i actually a mom, some of this pain i feel over these changes would overwhelm me and i would not be able to function. We also had a friend lose her son in just the most freak accident that could ever happen to someone, and i sit here almost feeling like it was not real. like it was a bad story line on a television show, and yet the reality is that this wonderful lady has to put her son to rest this coming week. Life can really kick ya in the pants. Both Aunt Helena and Uncle Roger (our version of Elvis) have had strokes. Aunt Helena apparently was more mild, Uncle Roger not so much. Both of these are reminders that I am getting very very old very quickly. I want things to all stay the same ......that Uncle Roger will be the same guy who nursed that wound to the side of my head when i was a kid. That Aunt Helena will still be the one most gifted with hospitality and hugs for all who showed up at her door. if i recall correctly, you my dear husband were the recipient of those hugs. I know this would get us into one of those big discussions like we used to have if we were able to actually talk, (and one day we will), but i am so getting the feeling that the church or should i say CHURCH is getting attacked in a way that it never has before. I look at Union Chapel, and I am shocked at how many times they have been kicked this past year. I look at Winneconne and I know without a doubt that the enemy does not want that new church built. In talking with Wendy, I realize that their church is being hit as well. Sometimes it reminds me of that book that Dave had me read way back about 200 years ago :) called "Piercing the Darkness" Come to think of it, I think I am going to find that book and re read it. Perhaps it will help shed some light on that vision that I had. Just save a place for me Kevin. I look forward to that day that we will reunite, and i will be able to forever thank God for bringing me to you. I miss you Bear.

Goodbye Old Friend

I sat today at the memorial service of Kevin's uncle, and I became very much aware of the brevity of life. I also learned a lot about how different cultures do memorial services, but that there is a basic truth, that truth being the Word in scripture. It's interesting the things that one can observe in situations like these. I was shocked that sweet Aunt Doris could not remember Kevin's passing. Don't get me wrong, I get it. She is at the age that I say anything is okay. But again the brevity of time. Elbie's brother Bob, I think while put on a front, seemed really sad. He normally is really light and carefree. His face was sad. My how things change when the heart is heavy. What an incredible talent though. God gifted him greatly with the ability to paint. Pop- geesh, I have such an affection and respect for him. It is kind of like I can see these guys as they really are. I mean that is the way it was with Kevin as well. There is just something about the heart. I just know that one of these days I may be looking at this great man not being there anymore, and I can't even imagine that right now. He has been such a cheerleader for me even in the most impossible of situations. I saw kids today that were toddlers when I came to Wisconsin. Now they are all grown up with kids of their own. Nancy's son Nathan was in his fatigues, and just brought out such a respect in me. (and not just because of the uniform) He has grown into a man. The girls-somedays I think we could be like the three amigos in the movies. Wendy's wisdom and heart, Brenda-she has such life in those eyes. She still reminds me of her mom. And then there is Elbie. What first impressed me about this man is along with pop and his brother Bob, this man had a solid tenor voice that could interpret music just as well as the pros. I thought he hated me at first, because I didn't understand the man. If I would've only thought, anyone who could interpret music like that had to have a heart of gold. And those Elbie hugs. What a sweet sweet man. I could never leave his place without getting one of those hugs. When I visited him over at the nursing home last week to take the pic of Kevin and me, we visited a while, and he made sure I knew that I was family, and for sure he gave me one of those great Elbie hugs. (God had to know that I would need Elbie just for that) Because I am a hugger. Goodbye old friend. I will be there for your military funeral, but I want you to know you will be missed. You helped make this woman's stay in Wisconsin more special just by the fact that you were here.