Lonely, but not alone. I sat waiting for the ambulance to bring my best friend to the hospital. He was said to be in serious condition, and I began to walk around in a fog. I remembered a long time ago that a friend told me when you feel that you are walking in a fog to always look up. Which is always great advice until you are sitting right in the middle of your world just about to turn upside down.
"He told me this was not your fault" said the officer standing in front of me. Andrew (name changed to protect his identity) "I begged him every day for the last three years to go to the hospital. "Every day" as the tears began to fall. So I waited. and waited some more.
So treatment began. I was encouraged by the less experienced of the two doctors to prepare for my friend to die. The older wiser one, working with this wonderful nurse with the strength of ten men, began to work with my friend to give him more time on this earth.
It is very difficult to even try to start this story, but I want to get to the point of what has been my life in particular since September 1, 2001. I have been lonely, in that I have been way out of my comfort zone. Oshkosh is a different culture than I was brought up in. Being married at 40 my goodness was a challenge on it's own, but I have to tell you as sure as I am sitting here writing this today. I know that God has been in every part of my getting married so late, learning to work with medical situations, being away from my center core of my family in Indiana. Even in the losing of my dearest dearest friend on this earth. I believe with all my heart He had to pull me away from all of those I depended on so much so I could learn to rely more on Him. I do not say this lightly. Those days that I will tell you about in the future are days that if they had happened before I moved here, I don't think I would have ever believed it. I have known the pleasure of God's presence sitting in my car while I drove to Milwaukee to see my best friend. There are a million other stories I could tell but I fear I would be completely drained should I tell them all at once.
All I know is that God has been so incredibly full of grace in His loving me. There are so many days I feel like the woman with the issue of blood that fell just to touch the hem of Jesus garment. Just that one touch can make a whole world of difference. And as the Gaither song says "Just one touch, and a New Life Began"...
Jesus walk with me through each day. Help me help others along the way in Your name. And help me to stay out of the way.
I remain yours forever.....
gracie :)
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
We're Not Home Yet
There is a song that says "this is not where i belong" take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong"
I don't have any idea who wrote this song, but the person is a genius. I just came in from a day that was honestly quite the handful. I have made it my personal policy to very rarely watch the news, but I was taken in by the story of the little 9 year old who was missing when I was in Indiana. Today they found her. Evil beat her head in and cut her precious body up and placed her in a freezer. Thankfully the angels were able to escort that sweet little one to the hands of the Father, and yet we are left to question how can evil persist in a country that is founded on a foundation of faith?
Have we indeed lost our first Love? I pray not. There was a celebrity who was dying for attention who let Evil work through his mouth to attack a public believer who makes no apologies for his faith. I have to say I feel sorry for those folks who have no idea what they are doing when they mock the Creator of the Universe. I pray that they will come across someone who will share with them the Truth, and I also pray they will be receptive to it. But mainly I feel sorry for them.
I listened to a person tonight speak of their family members with words I can't even imagine saying against an enemy, and most certainly not a family member. I hope and pray that some day all of the folks who have built up so much anger in their hearts against Christians, and against their own families, can come to a place of understanding at the very least. I don't know, I may get mocked myself, but I can't imagine being in a place where the words that come out of my mouth are that hateful. God help me to make a stand for integrity.
For those readers who may be estranged from their family members......please stop and think.....and appreciate that someday things can radically change......and your life could be turned upside down.
We hang onto God because of a wonderful family. Both by blood, and by His blood on the Cross. We hang on to each other because we love each other......and not only that people....WE ACTUALLY LIKE EACH OTHER.!!!!
Hold to God's unchanging hand. We're not home yet!
I don't have any idea who wrote this song, but the person is a genius. I just came in from a day that was honestly quite the handful. I have made it my personal policy to very rarely watch the news, but I was taken in by the story of the little 9 year old who was missing when I was in Indiana. Today they found her. Evil beat her head in and cut her precious body up and placed her in a freezer. Thankfully the angels were able to escort that sweet little one to the hands of the Father, and yet we are left to question how can evil persist in a country that is founded on a foundation of faith?
Have we indeed lost our first Love? I pray not. There was a celebrity who was dying for attention who let Evil work through his mouth to attack a public believer who makes no apologies for his faith. I have to say I feel sorry for those folks who have no idea what they are doing when they mock the Creator of the Universe. I pray that they will come across someone who will share with them the Truth, and I also pray they will be receptive to it. But mainly I feel sorry for them.
I listened to a person tonight speak of their family members with words I can't even imagine saying against an enemy, and most certainly not a family member. I hope and pray that some day all of the folks who have built up so much anger in their hearts against Christians, and against their own families, can come to a place of understanding at the very least. I don't know, I may get mocked myself, but I can't imagine being in a place where the words that come out of my mouth are that hateful. God help me to make a stand for integrity.
For those readers who may be estranged from their family members......please stop and think.....and appreciate that someday things can radically change......and your life could be turned upside down.
We hang onto God because of a wonderful family. Both by blood, and by His blood on the Cross. We hang on to each other because we love each other......and not only that people....WE ACTUALLY LIKE EACH OTHER.!!!!
Hold to God's unchanging hand. We're not home yet!
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thanksgiving-did the world forget
I guess I am starting to wax philosophical in my old age. The innudation of all of the Christmas advertisements an black Friday sales are not bad within themselves, but I have come to the point of absolute distaste for any of those commercials, or even frequenting any of the merchants who are having black Friday sales.
One would wonder if I have become the infamous Bob Marley in the old Christmas movie. I prefer to think I am more like Jimmy Stewart character in its a wonderful life.
By that I mean circumstances of the year have made me truly realize those things that are important and how really we should all be greatful for the life we have. It is a life made safer by a wonderful group of men and women, who sacrifice their lives each day. These are they who lay their lives on the line for the great United States that we live in. Something I wish everyone could pick up on......keeping these folks in high honor, for we owe them a debt of gratitude.
I want to take the time on this day to think on those things that I am most thankful for. First and foremost a God that is so incredibly patient, way beyond what most of us deserve. That He was so kind to see that I was placed in the family I have I will praise Him forever for making that happen.
My father is my best buddy. He is older now, but I am telling you this man never ceases to amaze me. His spirit is such that I just love him to death. He likes to laugh, and I like to laugh, and he makes me laugh. I think right now he is a great blessing to my life.
My mother- just a wondeful wonderful woman. She has a character of the godly woman spoke of in the Psalms. If I miss talking with her even one day, its like my day isn't complete. She is going through a lot right now, but I look at her and I know that if there is a job to be done, she will see it through.
My sister...as many know she is fighting cancer, and I look at this kid through the eyes I used to look at her when we were kids. I want to take on the cancer fight for her. But it's like my very dear friend Dave said, "we cannot chose who gets stricken" Only God can make that choice. When I look at her, I think she is even more beautiful that ever. You who know me know that I can read people fairly well. I know she is ill, but I look at her countenance, and listen to her talk and right now all I sense is peace. It's that peace that passes understanding.
My brother-how do you call a 6ft 4 man a kid? My brother is so smart, and so funny, and so wise all at the same time. I still see the little baby in my minds eye. When I look at Mark, I am sooooooo proud. He picked an amazing wife, and he has really grown into one of my heroes over the years.
Stephanie-thank you my Stephanie for being such a pandora's box of everything. You are so sensitive, and yet you get this thing where its like don't mess with me. You know why I love all of it? Because God made you very very special, and you will always have my heart (even on the days you want me to butt out) LOL. And also, thank you for giving me my little buddy Aidan, who makes me laugh just by being in this world. Thank you also for being smart enough to find a daddy who can help you grow Aidan up into a wonderful human being.
Amy- thank you Amy just for being. I love how you like to talk. I adore and respect how much time you spend with your kidlets.... No matter what else you may do, raising those girls is the most important task you will every have on this earth. I love that you love people. I love your faithfulness to your mother under these difficult circumstances. I'm glad you are there to watch her back.
Dennis, I know you are going to probably freak because I put you on here, but I have to. This Thanksgiving season, I am so glad that you are in our lives. I am glad you are there for Paula, for she needs you. You indeed are a blessing.
So many things to be thankful for. I am thankful that I am working. I am working in a position that I am passionate about, and I am thankful for each encounter I have with the people in this position. It is because I know each opportunity is one more way to show Jesus. Which some days I fail miserably, but today I am just thankful for those opportunities.
I am thankful for in-laws that have taught me without a doubt what God's grace looks like.
I am also thankful for WCF, and the Bible teaching there, even if sometimes it makes me take a long hard look at myself.
Mostly I am thankful to Jesus. One of these days, I want to be able to say thank you over and over and over....for someone like me who does not deserve it, Jesus took my place on Calvary, and I praise and thank Him for loving me enough. He is Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. He is all we need,
but let us remember to be thankful......
One would wonder if I have become the infamous Bob Marley in the old Christmas movie. I prefer to think I am more like Jimmy Stewart character in its a wonderful life.
By that I mean circumstances of the year have made me truly realize those things that are important and how really we should all be greatful for the life we have. It is a life made safer by a wonderful group of men and women, who sacrifice their lives each day. These are they who lay their lives on the line for the great United States that we live in. Something I wish everyone could pick up on......keeping these folks in high honor, for we owe them a debt of gratitude.
I want to take the time on this day to think on those things that I am most thankful for. First and foremost a God that is so incredibly patient, way beyond what most of us deserve. That He was so kind to see that I was placed in the family I have I will praise Him forever for making that happen.
My father is my best buddy. He is older now, but I am telling you this man never ceases to amaze me. His spirit is such that I just love him to death. He likes to laugh, and I like to laugh, and he makes me laugh. I think right now he is a great blessing to my life.
My mother- just a wondeful wonderful woman. She has a character of the godly woman spoke of in the Psalms. If I miss talking with her even one day, its like my day isn't complete. She is going through a lot right now, but I look at her and I know that if there is a job to be done, she will see it through.
My sister...as many know she is fighting cancer, and I look at this kid through the eyes I used to look at her when we were kids. I want to take on the cancer fight for her. But it's like my very dear friend Dave said, "we cannot chose who gets stricken" Only God can make that choice. When I look at her, I think she is even more beautiful that ever. You who know me know that I can read people fairly well. I know she is ill, but I look at her countenance, and listen to her talk and right now all I sense is peace. It's that peace that passes understanding.
My brother-how do you call a 6ft 4 man a kid? My brother is so smart, and so funny, and so wise all at the same time. I still see the little baby in my minds eye. When I look at Mark, I am sooooooo proud. He picked an amazing wife, and he has really grown into one of my heroes over the years.
Stephanie-thank you my Stephanie for being such a pandora's box of everything. You are so sensitive, and yet you get this thing where its like don't mess with me. You know why I love all of it? Because God made you very very special, and you will always have my heart (even on the days you want me to butt out) LOL. And also, thank you for giving me my little buddy Aidan, who makes me laugh just by being in this world. Thank you also for being smart enough to find a daddy who can help you grow Aidan up into a wonderful human being.
Amy- thank you Amy just for being. I love how you like to talk. I adore and respect how much time you spend with your kidlets.... No matter what else you may do, raising those girls is the most important task you will every have on this earth. I love that you love people. I love your faithfulness to your mother under these difficult circumstances. I'm glad you are there to watch her back.
Dennis, I know you are going to probably freak because I put you on here, but I have to. This Thanksgiving season, I am so glad that you are in our lives. I am glad you are there for Paula, for she needs you. You indeed are a blessing.
So many things to be thankful for. I am thankful that I am working. I am working in a position that I am passionate about, and I am thankful for each encounter I have with the people in this position. It is because I know each opportunity is one more way to show Jesus. Which some days I fail miserably, but today I am just thankful for those opportunities.
I am thankful for in-laws that have taught me without a doubt what God's grace looks like.
I am also thankful for WCF, and the Bible teaching there, even if sometimes it makes me take a long hard look at myself.
Mostly I am thankful to Jesus. One of these days, I want to be able to say thank you over and over and over....for someone like me who does not deserve it, Jesus took my place on Calvary, and I praise and thank Him for loving me enough. He is Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. He is all we need,
but let us remember to be thankful......
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
HOW THEN SHALL WE PRAY?
I SIT STILL PONDERING WHAT JESUS WOULD PRAY IN THE SITUATIONS THAT WE WOULD DEAL WITH AS INDIVIDUALS IN OUR DAILY LIVES. LETS RETURN TO THE BOAT TOSSING AND TURNING ON THE GALILEE, AND HOW FRIGHTENING IT WAS FOR THE DISCIPLES. THEY RAN TO THE MASTER WHO WAS ASLEEP, AND SAID MASTER SAVE US , THE BOAT IS TOSSING AND TURNING , THERE IS A STORM. (MY TRANSLATION) JESUS STOOD UP, JUST RAISED HIS HANDS, AND BY THE MERE WORDS "PEACE BE STILL," THE STORM CALMED, AND THE BOAT QUIT TOSSING AND TURNING.
I RETURN TO THE OLD TESTAMENT WHERE GOD ASKS US TO PRAY FOR THE PEACE OF JERUSALEM. THIS LITTLE COUNTRY IN THE MIDDLE EAST, ISRAEL, HAS FACED MORE CHAOS IN HISTORY THAN PERHAPS ANYONE. ONE DAY GOD WILL RAISE HIS ARMS AND BRING A PERFECT PEACE WHEN HE RETURNS TO SAVE US ALL.
THE TWO THINGS THAT I HAVE NOTICED THOUGH IN THESE SITUATIONS IS FOR US TO HAVE PERFECT PEACE, WE WILL BE FACING HARD TIMES AS WE GO THROUGH THIS LIFE. AND FOR US TO HAVE PERFECT PEACE, WE MUST ASK THE FATHER TO BRING US THROUGH THE TRIBULATIONS AND TRIALS OF LIFE , AND HE WILL RAISE HIS HANDS AND BRING A PEACE THAT PASSES THE WORLDS UNDERSTANDING.
OR EVEN OUR UNDERSTANDING.
WITH KEVIN, THE PEACE CAME ON THOSE LONGS RIDES TO MILWAUKEE, WHEN I DROVE MYSELF, BUT I WAS NOT REALLY ALONE. GOD WAS SO PRESENT AND I WOULD NOT TRADE THOSE MOMENTS FOR ANYTHING THE WORLD HAS TO GIVE.
I AM LEARNING TO SEEK PEACE IN THIS SITUATION WITH MY SISTER AND HER CANCER DIAGNOSIS. PEACE FOR OUR WHOLE FAMILY. PEACE IN OUR HEARTS, PEACE SURROUNDING US, PEACE FOR THE LITTLE CHURCH WHO RAISED US. EVEN PEACE FOR THE MEDICAL PERSONNEL INVOLVED IN HER CARE. WE ALL SEEK YOUR PEACE LORD, I THANK YOU THAT YOU CAN BE TRUSTED IN EVERY SITUATION IN OUR LIVES.
"WHEN PEACE LIKE A RIVER, ATTENDETH MY WAY, WHEN SORROWS LIKE SEA BILLOWS ROLL, WHATEVER MY LOT, THOU HAS TAUGHT ME TO SAY, IT IS WELL, IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL"
ONLY BECAUSE OF JESUS......
I RETURN TO THE OLD TESTAMENT WHERE GOD ASKS US TO PRAY FOR THE PEACE OF JERUSALEM. THIS LITTLE COUNTRY IN THE MIDDLE EAST, ISRAEL, HAS FACED MORE CHAOS IN HISTORY THAN PERHAPS ANYONE. ONE DAY GOD WILL RAISE HIS ARMS AND BRING A PERFECT PEACE WHEN HE RETURNS TO SAVE US ALL.
THE TWO THINGS THAT I HAVE NOTICED THOUGH IN THESE SITUATIONS IS FOR US TO HAVE PERFECT PEACE, WE WILL BE FACING HARD TIMES AS WE GO THROUGH THIS LIFE. AND FOR US TO HAVE PERFECT PEACE, WE MUST ASK THE FATHER TO BRING US THROUGH THE TRIBULATIONS AND TRIALS OF LIFE , AND HE WILL RAISE HIS HANDS AND BRING A PEACE THAT PASSES THE WORLDS UNDERSTANDING.
OR EVEN OUR UNDERSTANDING.
WITH KEVIN, THE PEACE CAME ON THOSE LONGS RIDES TO MILWAUKEE, WHEN I DROVE MYSELF, BUT I WAS NOT REALLY ALONE. GOD WAS SO PRESENT AND I WOULD NOT TRADE THOSE MOMENTS FOR ANYTHING THE WORLD HAS TO GIVE.
I AM LEARNING TO SEEK PEACE IN THIS SITUATION WITH MY SISTER AND HER CANCER DIAGNOSIS. PEACE FOR OUR WHOLE FAMILY. PEACE IN OUR HEARTS, PEACE SURROUNDING US, PEACE FOR THE LITTLE CHURCH WHO RAISED US. EVEN PEACE FOR THE MEDICAL PERSONNEL INVOLVED IN HER CARE. WE ALL SEEK YOUR PEACE LORD, I THANK YOU THAT YOU CAN BE TRUSTED IN EVERY SITUATION IN OUR LIVES.
"WHEN PEACE LIKE A RIVER, ATTENDETH MY WAY, WHEN SORROWS LIKE SEA BILLOWS ROLL, WHATEVER MY LOT, THOU HAS TAUGHT ME TO SAY, IT IS WELL, IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL"
ONLY BECAUSE OF JESUS......
Saturday, November 5, 2011
WHAT THEN SHALL WE PRAY?
In a time that the whole world seems to be in chaos, I pray for joy. Not joy as the world thinks of joy, but that a joy that springs up like an underground spring and rises up into the air for all to see.
I know some may think that this is impossible, but I pray for joy to surround my family. I pray for joy to surround all my friends, even those acquaintances that I have been so fortunate to meet. I pray that we all may have joy through all the difficulties that arise. I also pray that those around us may see that our Joy indeed comes from the Lord.
What brings joy to me? Music, Music, and more Music. Ask my piano teacher and all those who have endured my picking out songs on the piano. Kathy was probably one of the first to show me what joy could come from music. Even at a younger age, I was taught joy by a group that we used to watch on a program called "Jubilee" with The Happy Goodmans. These folks still held onto and shared that joy till the day they passed, and I still get to share that joy when I listen to their tapes.
There are people who have told me over the years that they know when I am around because I am singing. (Mind you, not because I have such a great voice) but because most of the time I have a song in my heart.
I also get great joy from watching little children, and the great treasure God has placed in their parents lives, and their souls. I keep telling parents, children are the encouragement that the world can still become a better place. I also get great joy from the elderly. It is because of their wisdom and their knowledge and the great heart that they share when they talk with me.
I get awesome joy from nature. I go outside on a starry night and it is like I can see Gods handwriting to us, so beautiful.
May we all take time and think on those things that give us joy, not just happiness.
God please surround my family and all of those around us with a spirit of joy......even in the hard places. May you carry us all through, and bind us together with "joy unspeakable and full of glory"
"I got the joy, joy, joy, joy. Down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart to stay"
Amen
I know some may think that this is impossible, but I pray for joy to surround my family. I pray for joy to surround all my friends, even those acquaintances that I have been so fortunate to meet. I pray that we all may have joy through all the difficulties that arise. I also pray that those around us may see that our Joy indeed comes from the Lord.
What brings joy to me? Music, Music, and more Music. Ask my piano teacher and all those who have endured my picking out songs on the piano. Kathy was probably one of the first to show me what joy could come from music. Even at a younger age, I was taught joy by a group that we used to watch on a program called "Jubilee" with The Happy Goodmans. These folks still held onto and shared that joy till the day they passed, and I still get to share that joy when I listen to their tapes.
There are people who have told me over the years that they know when I am around because I am singing. (Mind you, not because I have such a great voice) but because most of the time I have a song in my heart.
I also get great joy from watching little children, and the great treasure God has placed in their parents lives, and their souls. I keep telling parents, children are the encouragement that the world can still become a better place. I also get great joy from the elderly. It is because of their wisdom and their knowledge and the great heart that they share when they talk with me.
I get awesome joy from nature. I go outside on a starry night and it is like I can see Gods handwriting to us, so beautiful.
May we all take time and think on those things that give us joy, not just happiness.
God please surround my family and all of those around us with a spirit of joy......even in the hard places. May you carry us all through, and bind us together with "joy unspeakable and full of glory"
"I got the joy, joy, joy, joy. Down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart to stay"
Amen
Thursday, November 3, 2011
PRAYER IS THE KEY
I HAVE BEEN THINKING SINCE THE SERMON ON SUNDAY ABOUT THE PHRASE "THEN HOW SHALL WE PRAY" THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT I COULD WISH FOR SELFISHLY, BUT GOD IS MORE TO ME THAN JUST A PERSON I CAN GO TO WITH A WISH LIST AND HE WOULD FULFILL IT.
THIS HAS ALL BECOME MORE RELEVANT AS MY SISTER HAS BEGUN HER CANCER TREATMENT. IT BECOMES MORE RELEVANT AS I HAVE A DEAR SOUL THAT IS A FRIEND WITH ACUTE RENAL FAILURE.
HOW THEN SHALL WE PRAY? I WOULD PERSONALLY IN MY MINDS EYE LIKE TO FALL ON MY KNEES BEGGING GOD FOR PERFECT HEALING IN BOTH CASES. ACTUALLY IN ALL CASES THAT I SEE PEOPLE STRUGGLING PHYSICALLY. BUT THESE TWO IN PARTICULAR. BECAUSE THESE PEOPLE ARE IMPORTANT TO ME.
I WISH MY PARENTS DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH SUCH A SCARE WITH MY SISTERS CANCER DIAGNOSIS. I PRAY FOR GOD TO TAKE THE FEAR AWAY AND REPLACE IT WITH PEACE. EVEN FOR ME.. ITS KIND OF LIKE I TOLD MY DAD THIS MORNING, WE HAVE TO LITERALLY LET GOD BE THE ONE IN CONTROL, AND WE HAVE TO TRUST THAT HE WILL WORK THE PURPOSES OUT IN THE LIVES OF THE TWO DEAR PEOPLE WE LOVE.
I DON'T WANT TO PRAY "GIVE ME' ALL THE TIME, SO I REVERT BACK TO THE LORDS PRAYER. "OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN HALLOWED BE THY NAME. THY KINGDOM COME, THY WILL BE DONE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN. GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD, AND FORGIVE US OUR DEBTS AS WE FORGIVE OUR DEBTORS, AND LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION, BUT DELIVER US FROM EVIL, FOR THINE IS THE POWER AND GLORY FOREVER AND FOREVER AND FOREVER.
I ALSO THINK OF THE FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT. AND I PRAY TODAY, THAT IN BOTH SITUATIONS, MY SISTER AND MY FRIEND, WILL HAVE GOD'S LOVE SURROUND THEM IN WAYS THEY NEVER KNEW BEFORE. HELP THEM BOTH TO KNOW GODS LOVE AS A WARM BLANKET AROUND THEM.
I PRAY THE SAME FOR MY FAMILY, AND THEIR EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBERS. MAY GOD BE GLORIED, WHETHER WE WIN THIS FIGHT OR WHETHER WE LOSE THIS FIGHT. WE OWE HIM EVERYTHING BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN SO GOOD TO US.
THIS HAS ALL BECOME MORE RELEVANT AS MY SISTER HAS BEGUN HER CANCER TREATMENT. IT BECOMES MORE RELEVANT AS I HAVE A DEAR SOUL THAT IS A FRIEND WITH ACUTE RENAL FAILURE.
HOW THEN SHALL WE PRAY? I WOULD PERSONALLY IN MY MINDS EYE LIKE TO FALL ON MY KNEES BEGGING GOD FOR PERFECT HEALING IN BOTH CASES. ACTUALLY IN ALL CASES THAT I SEE PEOPLE STRUGGLING PHYSICALLY. BUT THESE TWO IN PARTICULAR. BECAUSE THESE PEOPLE ARE IMPORTANT TO ME.
I WISH MY PARENTS DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH SUCH A SCARE WITH MY SISTERS CANCER DIAGNOSIS. I PRAY FOR GOD TO TAKE THE FEAR AWAY AND REPLACE IT WITH PEACE. EVEN FOR ME.. ITS KIND OF LIKE I TOLD MY DAD THIS MORNING, WE HAVE TO LITERALLY LET GOD BE THE ONE IN CONTROL, AND WE HAVE TO TRUST THAT HE WILL WORK THE PURPOSES OUT IN THE LIVES OF THE TWO DEAR PEOPLE WE LOVE.
I DON'T WANT TO PRAY "GIVE ME' ALL THE TIME, SO I REVERT BACK TO THE LORDS PRAYER. "OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN HALLOWED BE THY NAME. THY KINGDOM COME, THY WILL BE DONE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN. GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD, AND FORGIVE US OUR DEBTS AS WE FORGIVE OUR DEBTORS, AND LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION, BUT DELIVER US FROM EVIL, FOR THINE IS THE POWER AND GLORY FOREVER AND FOREVER AND FOREVER.
I ALSO THINK OF THE FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT. AND I PRAY TODAY, THAT IN BOTH SITUATIONS, MY SISTER AND MY FRIEND, WILL HAVE GOD'S LOVE SURROUND THEM IN WAYS THEY NEVER KNEW BEFORE. HELP THEM BOTH TO KNOW GODS LOVE AS A WARM BLANKET AROUND THEM.
I PRAY THE SAME FOR MY FAMILY, AND THEIR EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBERS. MAY GOD BE GLORIED, WHETHER WE WIN THIS FIGHT OR WHETHER WE LOSE THIS FIGHT. WE OWE HIM EVERYTHING BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN SO GOOD TO US.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
TREASURES ON THIS EARTH
I've been thinking about the things that really matter. I've been thinking a LOT about the things that matter.
When I listen to the news and all of the goings on in this world, I find myself enjoying just shutting all of that out and focusing on the many blessings that exist in my little corner of the world.
For instance, family.
Two parents for over fifty years that are two of the smartest, wisest people I have ever met. Mom can make anything edible, and has more determination about accomplishing goals than just about anyone I know. She has become "mom" to more kids in the town we grew up in, and has always held open arms to all.
Dad, my goodness, the one person that can make me laugh no matter what. He is wise, he has a soft emotional side, and loves to work with his hands.
They both relish in the fact that God has built a family out of all of us kids, and they lead with a great humility every day of their lives. We have been surely blessed.
My brother.....my baby brother..... Not so much a baby anymore, but a strong man, whom God has blessed with a wisdom that I don't even know if he realizes at this point in time. I so appreciate the ability that Mark has to have great discussions, and to be the man that his wife April needs.
My sister......my baby sister....(although I am sure she wouldn't want to be called that). A very smart, driven young lady, who I think could run the world if she chose to..... She brought two very precious daughters into the world, and they in turn have brought 3 very precious grandchildren to my sister's life. All I know is my sister is very wise, and has a great spirit of love that she carries with her daily.
As many know, she is to start the fight of her life this next week. I think if I were cancer, I would be very afraid, because she is an amazing fighter, and will walk through this with the strength that I know that she has.
The most important thing that I know, and our greatest treasure of all-the God that binds us all together. I keep thinking of that song "Bind us together, Lord. Bind us together."
We shall trust and walk daily with God to hold our family together through this next few years. I know He is faithful to hold on to us all.
What a great treasure.
When I listen to the news and all of the goings on in this world, I find myself enjoying just shutting all of that out and focusing on the many blessings that exist in my little corner of the world.
For instance, family.
Two parents for over fifty years that are two of the smartest, wisest people I have ever met. Mom can make anything edible, and has more determination about accomplishing goals than just about anyone I know. She has become "mom" to more kids in the town we grew up in, and has always held open arms to all.
Dad, my goodness, the one person that can make me laugh no matter what. He is wise, he has a soft emotional side, and loves to work with his hands.
They both relish in the fact that God has built a family out of all of us kids, and they lead with a great humility every day of their lives. We have been surely blessed.
My brother.....my baby brother..... Not so much a baby anymore, but a strong man, whom God has blessed with a wisdom that I don't even know if he realizes at this point in time. I so appreciate the ability that Mark has to have great discussions, and to be the man that his wife April needs.
My sister......my baby sister....(although I am sure she wouldn't want to be called that). A very smart, driven young lady, who I think could run the world if she chose to..... She brought two very precious daughters into the world, and they in turn have brought 3 very precious grandchildren to my sister's life. All I know is my sister is very wise, and has a great spirit of love that she carries with her daily.
As many know, she is to start the fight of her life this next week. I think if I were cancer, I would be very afraid, because she is an amazing fighter, and will walk through this with the strength that I know that she has.
The most important thing that I know, and our greatest treasure of all-the God that binds us all together. I keep thinking of that song "Bind us together, Lord. Bind us together."
We shall trust and walk daily with God to hold our family together through this next few years. I know He is faithful to hold on to us all.
What a great treasure.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
WALKING IN THE OLD CITY
Probably one of the most important trips I have ever taken in my life is to the little giant of a country named Israel. Coming from a relatively small town, at the time I never believed it could ever be possible, but somehow God helped me be disciplined enough at that time to get the money together to travel into Ben Gurion airport and to the City of Jerusalem, God's holy city.
It was such a blessing for me to be able to travel to Israel. For me, there were so many times that I could sense there was an actual God moment where Jesus actually walked, and yet there were other times I could tell there was a bit of the tourist industry at hand. My first picture of Israel was as we drove up over a hill overlooking the city and immediately my eyes welled up as I recalled when Jesus stood and wept over the city wishing He could take them in as a mother hen does her chicks. I could actually imagine being there when He was there.
We went into Jerusalem that first night and settled in, with a little bit of jet lag and a lot of excitement. The hotel room was sufficient enough, we spent some time in the Word and woke up the next morning ready for a new adventure. Touring the city of Jerusalem.
I think perhaps the most interesting places were those things that I wasn't used to. Those markets for instance with skinned food was hanging in the windows as patrons passed by or went in to get their food. I loved the Western Wall.
That was when the Bible started to come alive for me. At that time, we had a little angel named Lydia that was fighting to get a liver transplant, and I was able to go the wall, and put little Lydias picture in between a couple of the stones as I prayed for her and her family. As I look back at that I can hardly wrap my mind around it. Seems impossible, but God has proven to me time and time again that all things are possible with Him.
We were able to walk through the gates of the Old City. There is so much I can tell you of my impressions at that time. Our tour guide was Schlomo, and there are times even now I wonder if he is still alive. But my inner tour guide, my Jesus, placed the picture in my mind that one of these days.....one of these days folks.....I would be walking on streets of gold in the New Jerusalem. I tried to picture in my mind how beautiful those scriptural references to the New Jerusalem are, and my heart just leapt for joy.
Another place that I loved was Gethsemane and the Eastern Gate. Gethsemane is such a beautiful peaceful place and I can imagine at the time that it possible was even a larger garden than it is now. I could see why Jesus would want to be there to speak to the Father. There is a church (I believe (the Church of the Nations) that has carbondated a large block of rock that is believed to have some from that time period when Jesus was in the Garden.
The Eastern Gate- well the Eastern gate is so important for so many reasons, but at that time, and even now it reminds me of the Easter joy of the resurrection and the joy my father has every time he wakes me up singing "Up From The Grave He Arose"
Jerusalem.....ah Jerusalem.....How I would love to take you under my wing.....
Please pray for the peace of this City of God. It is an amazing place, and it is the City of God.
Blessings to you all...
Shalom
brenda
It was such a blessing for me to be able to travel to Israel. For me, there were so many times that I could sense there was an actual God moment where Jesus actually walked, and yet there were other times I could tell there was a bit of the tourist industry at hand. My first picture of Israel was as we drove up over a hill overlooking the city and immediately my eyes welled up as I recalled when Jesus stood and wept over the city wishing He could take them in as a mother hen does her chicks. I could actually imagine being there when He was there.
We went into Jerusalem that first night and settled in, with a little bit of jet lag and a lot of excitement. The hotel room was sufficient enough, we spent some time in the Word and woke up the next morning ready for a new adventure. Touring the city of Jerusalem.
I think perhaps the most interesting places were those things that I wasn't used to. Those markets for instance with skinned food was hanging in the windows as patrons passed by or went in to get their food. I loved the Western Wall.
That was when the Bible started to come alive for me. At that time, we had a little angel named Lydia that was fighting to get a liver transplant, and I was able to go the wall, and put little Lydias picture in between a couple of the stones as I prayed for her and her family. As I look back at that I can hardly wrap my mind around it. Seems impossible, but God has proven to me time and time again that all things are possible with Him.
We were able to walk through the gates of the Old City. There is so much I can tell you of my impressions at that time. Our tour guide was Schlomo, and there are times even now I wonder if he is still alive. But my inner tour guide, my Jesus, placed the picture in my mind that one of these days.....one of these days folks.....I would be walking on streets of gold in the New Jerusalem. I tried to picture in my mind how beautiful those scriptural references to the New Jerusalem are, and my heart just leapt for joy.
Another place that I loved was Gethsemane and the Eastern Gate. Gethsemane is such a beautiful peaceful place and I can imagine at the time that it possible was even a larger garden than it is now. I could see why Jesus would want to be there to speak to the Father. There is a church (I believe (the Church of the Nations) that has carbondated a large block of rock that is believed to have some from that time period when Jesus was in the Garden.
The Eastern Gate- well the Eastern gate is so important for so many reasons, but at that time, and even now it reminds me of the Easter joy of the resurrection and the joy my father has every time he wakes me up singing "Up From The Grave He Arose"
Jerusalem.....ah Jerusalem.....How I would love to take you under my wing.....
Please pray for the peace of this City of God. It is an amazing place, and it is the City of God.
Blessings to you all...
Shalom
brenda
Saturday, October 8, 2011
OUT ON THE SEA OF GALILEE
So when I was in Israel, we rode on this boat where the captain stated that one of the fascinations about the Sea of Gaililee is that there are storms that come up out of nowhere. Today, this moment in time, I feel as if I am in one of those storms. I rest in the fact that the God of Glory neither slumbers, nor sleeps, and He is always aware of those things that trouble us most. He knows of my concern of those who are dear friends who are ill, and He knows that I pray He would hold all of us as a mama dove holds onto her little ones in the midst of a great storm. May this storm help us to rely on You God for You alone are entirely Worthy of all that we have and all that we are.
Till next time......
Your Gaililean traveler.....
Till next time......
Your Gaililean traveler.....
Monday, July 18, 2011
Things that do not change
I am intrigued by the topic of a sermon by the Reverend Billy Graham that I heard coming to work this evening. Essentially, it was things that don't change. He spoke of how radically different this world has become, in that we have made all of these things to save time, and ironically we do not seem to have the time for anything.
Which got me to thinking. What things in my life do not change, have not changed in my life. The amazing family that I have, and the fact that it has increased since I first got married with the addition of little Zuri, Ariana, and Aidan. Some super fantastic in laws. I have some of the most incredibly loyal long term friendships that just blow me away. The fact that when I get to see a mama deer with her babies it still makes me smile. The fact that horses racing in a field can get my heart racing. I love the wisdom of the elderly and the life in the little ones in this world.
The fact that I still look with utmost respect on uniformed officers, whatever branch they may be, local emt's, police or military. I still love to write. I still love nature. I still love music, although I must say that my taste has changed on that one. Let me explain, I have become a big praise music fan, and honestly that has been a pleasant surprise. But I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. Because the music is about the same God as the God of gospel music.
The face that the ten commandments still apply today, even in a world that would like to add to or take away from them. The fact that God still is the one who designed marriage, even though the world would like to change that. The Bible still has not changed no matter how much society would like to add or take away from that. The most important thing to me that has not changed is that there is a God that still rules what goes on in this world, and that even though He has the whole world in His hands, He still finds the time to love one such as I. How awesome is this truth.
May we all find something to hold onto that has not changed. Life begins at the Cross.
Until then,
Longing for Home
Which got me to thinking. What things in my life do not change, have not changed in my life. The amazing family that I have, and the fact that it has increased since I first got married with the addition of little Zuri, Ariana, and Aidan. Some super fantastic in laws. I have some of the most incredibly loyal long term friendships that just blow me away. The fact that when I get to see a mama deer with her babies it still makes me smile. The fact that horses racing in a field can get my heart racing. I love the wisdom of the elderly and the life in the little ones in this world.
The fact that I still look with utmost respect on uniformed officers, whatever branch they may be, local emt's, police or military. I still love to write. I still love nature. I still love music, although I must say that my taste has changed on that one. Let me explain, I have become a big praise music fan, and honestly that has been a pleasant surprise. But I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. Because the music is about the same God as the God of gospel music.
The face that the ten commandments still apply today, even in a world that would like to add to or take away from them. The fact that God still is the one who designed marriage, even though the world would like to change that. The Bible still has not changed no matter how much society would like to add or take away from that. The most important thing to me that has not changed is that there is a God that still rules what goes on in this world, and that even though He has the whole world in His hands, He still finds the time to love one such as I. How awesome is this truth.
May we all find something to hold onto that has not changed. Life begins at the Cross.
Until then,
Longing for Home
Sunday, June 19, 2011
My Father
It is hard not to think of my dad today.
One of the people most likely to make to laugh on this earth. He is simple, and so incredibly smart. My memories are almost like something out of a Norman Rockwell poster.
One of the best times I remember is dad showing me how to grow vegetables in the garden. I always thought it was amazing, that he would grow the biggest, the best and most beautiful veggies in the whole world. Somehow like he was at God's right hand in the growing process.
I also am amazed that in the bottom of a dirty old factory that he was humble enough to listen to a little preacher share with him the love of God and that would change all of our lives forever.
I love to hear him sing "up from the grave He arose" on Easter Sunday morning. He sings it like someone who actually was there on Easter morning. I love it. I love hearing him tell "the three little pigs" and stories of when he grew up in Kentucky.
I love that he was smart enough to marry my mother.
My father also has an incredible prayer life. I only hope that my faith with grow and mature as it has with him as he has aged. I love that even when he has made mistakes, he still shows us what the love of God can do for us, even through those times we may fail.
They say that kids are a testament to what their parents have lived. I can only hope so. I can only hope so. I only hope to have that kind of wisdom and strength, and mostly patience.
God Bless You Dad. I love you forever!!!
Thanks to God for giving me you.
Your #1 daughter , your oldest daughter.
brenda
One of the people most likely to make to laugh on this earth. He is simple, and so incredibly smart. My memories are almost like something out of a Norman Rockwell poster.
One of the best times I remember is dad showing me how to grow vegetables in the garden. I always thought it was amazing, that he would grow the biggest, the best and most beautiful veggies in the whole world. Somehow like he was at God's right hand in the growing process.
I also am amazed that in the bottom of a dirty old factory that he was humble enough to listen to a little preacher share with him the love of God and that would change all of our lives forever.
I love to hear him sing "up from the grave He arose" on Easter Sunday morning. He sings it like someone who actually was there on Easter morning. I love it. I love hearing him tell "the three little pigs" and stories of when he grew up in Kentucky.
I love that he was smart enough to marry my mother.
My father also has an incredible prayer life. I only hope that my faith with grow and mature as it has with him as he has aged. I love that even when he has made mistakes, he still shows us what the love of God can do for us, even through those times we may fail.
They say that kids are a testament to what their parents have lived. I can only hope so. I can only hope so. I only hope to have that kind of wisdom and strength, and mostly patience.
God Bless You Dad. I love you forever!!!
Thanks to God for giving me you.
Your #1 daughter , your oldest daughter.
brenda
Sunday, June 12, 2011
God of Second Chances, God of my heart
I am sitting here amazed at how God works. Even when it hurts.
I have been amazed at me, the girl with the big mouth who says "what do I need a man for," finally getting it after Kev passed. I have been listening a lot to sermons that are talking about marriage, and I have been impressed that God intends for marriage to show us a part of His heart, and His love for us.
The biggest thing I have missed since kev has been gone has been someone to talk to about the big things going on in my life and my heart.
Today it came to me, God is there to talk to about what I think are the big things in my life and my heart. And the amazing part to me, is God is so utterly trustworthy. When people disappoint, and fail you, there is a great big God who is the God of second chances.
Today, it came to me. Gods love is far deeper than what any one man or woman could give to us.
It has been hard. I promised God that I would cling to Him "whatever the cost". And I have lost a lot. But I have to tell you I have gained much much more. More than I could ever write in a simple blog. But I do know that I owe God my everything, because He has daily been there holding me, waiting on me sometimes, and being more patient than I could ever deserve.
Again I owe a debt of gratitude to God for bringing me to a great imperfect husband with a tough love that shows me what Gods love is like. I love that this walk with God is a daily decision, it is not just a "one time thing". and yes it requires TOTAL COMMITTMENT.
I have been amazed at me, the girl with the big mouth who says "what do I need a man for," finally getting it after Kev passed. I have been listening a lot to sermons that are talking about marriage, and I have been impressed that God intends for marriage to show us a part of His heart, and His love for us.
The biggest thing I have missed since kev has been gone has been someone to talk to about the big things going on in my life and my heart.
Today it came to me, God is there to talk to about what I think are the big things in my life and my heart. And the amazing part to me, is God is so utterly trustworthy. When people disappoint, and fail you, there is a great big God who is the God of second chances.
Today, it came to me. Gods love is far deeper than what any one man or woman could give to us.
It has been hard. I promised God that I would cling to Him "whatever the cost". And I have lost a lot. But I have to tell you I have gained much much more. More than I could ever write in a simple blog. But I do know that I owe God my everything, because He has daily been there holding me, waiting on me sometimes, and being more patient than I could ever deserve.
Again I owe a debt of gratitude to God for bringing me to a great imperfect husband with a tough love that shows me what Gods love is like. I love that this walk with God is a daily decision, it is not just a "one time thing". and yes it requires TOTAL COMMITTMENT.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Early Morning
I totally love the early morning. It makes me think of God and those things that need to be prayed for, and yet I find my heart although trusting is humanly hurting.
For me to live is Christ and to die is gain......
I have come to the realization that I am probably going to have to say goodbye to a very dear friend. I walk with God and hold onto the fact that this will be a "see ya later" rather than a goodbye, but alas I hurt.
Where do you draw the line where being close to people becomes too much? God calls us to love one another as He has loved us.... to me that is wholly and completely......I guess as I write this His love for us also can involved His being hurt....
but God is God and I am not. where have i heard that song before?
I still hold onto Him. I look to Him and lean on that Healing Balm of Gilead. Oddly enough that means a lot to me especially after being in Israel.
Until I see you my friend......I will see you later!!!
Life is Hard but God is Good.
For me to live is Christ and to die is gain......
I have come to the realization that I am probably going to have to say goodbye to a very dear friend. I walk with God and hold onto the fact that this will be a "see ya later" rather than a goodbye, but alas I hurt.
Where do you draw the line where being close to people becomes too much? God calls us to love one another as He has loved us.... to me that is wholly and completely......I guess as I write this His love for us also can involved His being hurt....
but God is God and I am not. where have i heard that song before?
I still hold onto Him. I look to Him and lean on that Healing Balm of Gilead. Oddly enough that means a lot to me especially after being in Israel.
Until I see you my friend......I will see you later!!!
Life is Hard but God is Good.
Monday, January 17, 2011
REMAKING THE HEART
i've come to the conclusion this post passing experience has probably been way harder on me than it has been on kevin. as the matter of fact i know it has. learning to reclaim who i am without being a 24 hour caregiver is becoming a really difficult task. i am finding daily that i have to lean on God more and more with each breath that i take.
i probably am not going to write a lot tonight, but these are the main things that i have learnt this week from a God who is so gracious to one such as I.
i hope a pray for the day that He brings me a hunger for Him, because i do hunger for God in a way i never had before. and somehow i think kevin had a part in showing me that was what was to be.
kinda like the 'Signs' movie we loved to watch.......................
i also am trying to learn how to be me again..... but better, because i experience all of life in a deeper more spiritual way. ......i always had looked at the world through the eyes of a believer, but it is different now.
i am thankful God has walked with me on this journey.........
and my bear still is watching over me...............
Monday, January 10, 2011
the most incredible post i have ever written. i have actually had someone state to me that they want to hook me ujp with someone. truthfully i am kind of in shock that someone would bring it up... its not that i would even remotely be disloyal to kevin, but its one of those deals of just needing someone of the male persuasion to talk with. unfortunately most if not all the men i know, just somehow don't quite cut it as far as conversations go.
but there is one who understands. it is this GREAT BIG GOD.
until next time............
but there is one who understands. it is this GREAT BIG GOD.
until next time............
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Musings
Its been forever since I have blogged . Which makes me think this might be part of the reason my mind is in a fog right now. What I cannot for the life of me figure out is how it is possible for me to be missing Kevin more now than I did right after his passing. I think perhaps it is as he said that if I couldn't talk with someone my head would probably explode. The reason I always loved going home to him is I knew always and forever he would be there and listen to whatever I had to say, no matter what.
I wish I could say that I am getting the concept is that what God should be to me. I wish I could say that I am not reverting back to old habits going " I wish I could talk to Dave T, or I wish I could talk to whoever it might be" Honestly I know that I am not going to experience the same thing that I did with Kev......but I should be able to say to God, I so need to talk with You God.....and know that You God are going to be there and to listen to me no matter what.
This is why I think so much that Kevin and I needed to be together. He showed me that strong determination to be there for someone that I don't know anyone else could have shown me. That dogged determination and loyalty. I just love God for knowing the big picture. I also love God for knowing each of us individually and know what we need for us to each grow into what He needs us to be.
Wendy Kevin's sister said Kevin needed someone to show him complete and total committment even if he behaved poorly. I needed someone to show me Gods love. .......and he did.
A true gentle giant.......given to my by a Giant of a God.
I am truly grateful for the lessons. I pray that God will fill those empty spaces that I have in my heart right now, and that I learn truly to be His hands in this world.
As for now....I am signing off....
Until then.......
I wish I could say that I am getting the concept is that what God should be to me. I wish I could say that I am not reverting back to old habits going " I wish I could talk to Dave T, or I wish I could talk to whoever it might be" Honestly I know that I am not going to experience the same thing that I did with Kev......but I should be able to say to God, I so need to talk with You God.....and know that You God are going to be there and to listen to me no matter what.
This is why I think so much that Kevin and I needed to be together. He showed me that strong determination to be there for someone that I don't know anyone else could have shown me. That dogged determination and loyalty. I just love God for knowing the big picture. I also love God for knowing each of us individually and know what we need for us to each grow into what He needs us to be.
Wendy Kevin's sister said Kevin needed someone to show him complete and total committment even if he behaved poorly. I needed someone to show me Gods love. .......and he did.
A true gentle giant.......given to my by a Giant of a God.
I am truly grateful for the lessons. I pray that God will fill those empty spaces that I have in my heart right now, and that I learn truly to be His hands in this world.
As for now....I am signing off....
Until then.......
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