so its your birthday........

so today is my birthday, and i take after my father today and make my age 49 speech, reality being that i feel like 94. :)



and what have you done?



i have taken a great interest in ecclesiastes and reading about wisdom. i am looking at chapter 5. verse 2 where it says the following:



"be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter anything before God. for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth, therefore let thy words be few."



coming from a family that likes to talk, this is a great challenge, but as i study wisdom and as i think about kevin, and how so very precisely he spoke and how he really never just shot his mouth off with vain speech, i realize i have a lot to learn.



"happy anniversary dear" i hear him say every month on the first. even now. "happy anniversary booful" or "happy anniversary boo-boo". man, who would've known i would miss such a simple display of love. it never became one of those deals where he would have to be reminded. i am the one who would have to be reminded.



and i would blush.



verse 8 if thou seest the oppression of the poor, and violent perverting of judgment and justice in a province, marvel not at the matter, for he that is higher than the highest regardeth and there be higher than they."



my heart is still leaning toward the rapid response teams of samaritans purse. i read about the group already being in texas prior to the hurricane that is striking in texas as i write. i hope and pray that somehow this group will be a part of my future. i don't know how it would happen but if God would allow, i would be willing.



"are the stars out tonight, i don't care if it's cloudy or bright, cuz i only have eyes for you......dear......" as i finished singing this line to kevin as he was going through his last couple of weeks at the hospital, i saw a tear slide gently down the side of his face. i kept hoping that singing those songs would remind him of better days. i pray they did. i continued ......
"amazing grace, how sweet the sound.." "silent night".......anyway i could to touch the heart of the big strong man that was brought to his knees a disease that would soon take his life.



but it wasn't only the disease. i know there is somewhere in scripture that says "fear not those who can kill your body, but those who kill your soul" this i interpret to be spirit.....and i guess that is what brings me back to my original thought......"be not rash with thy mouth." although i know i am using this for the purpose of my own learning.....i believe the rashness of speech contributed highly to my kevin losing his will to be on this earth any longer. and i know he has forgiven.....i know i must forgive....God help me to do so....and God help me to never ever hurt anyone in such a way that kevin was hurt. Prompt my mind and heart to stop and think of this scripture if i get even close to this kind of behavior.




"you know why i love you" kevin said many years ago"because you are worth it!". my gift from God after such a long tired life was a gentle giant of a man who loved me for me, not because of what he could get from me. the best birthday gift a girl could ever want.





happy birthday booful! "happy 106th month anniversary dear"







ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...................................................



until we meet again....i will love you forever