Biblical truths

I never realized until this experience of caregiving and working and loving then losing kevin, just how specific and true that scriptures in the Bible are.



I have had an extremely difficult day so I figured it was about time to come back to where my heart is at peace. Writing...



In Ecclesiastes 4 verse 10, it says the following. "For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he faileth, for he hath not another to lift him up."



this speaks to where i am at today. actually where kevin and i spent a lot of time because at the worst of all his health care issues, we did not feel that there were any souls from outside that would truly see us for what we were. two people so fully in love. my Lord, it was even suggested that i leave him by a member in a church, and tell me how that committment on September 1,2001 would've ever survived if I would've done that.



some days, i don't even know how we did it. on a human level we could not have made it as far as we did. it had to be a God thing. people would make fun of him, and in turn even if not directly said to me they were making fun of me. i now come to realize kev had a lot more on the ball than i ever could. because i fall so easily.......and i know he did when he was in love with lindy lou and she died, but he did pick himself back up. he came home. even though he said it was running away. he was back with his family.



where does that leave me? trying to live a life that relies more on God getting me through the day, when frankly i would like to stay asleep and dream about kevin all the time. i honestly wish there were some men around i could trust that would not think i was getting all hot and bothered by them. i sat at work and cried half the night because i could hear kevin singing to me "I Cross my Heart" all night long. this both brings me comfort and also makes me want to scream......because i want to hold him close and i can't right now.





i also spent a lot of time thinking about Job/Kevin and God. It was told in scripture that Job had ulcers pretty much like kev had. and Job had an intimate relationship with God. I mean they even "discussed" things. I wonder sometimes (like today) if when Kev got to heaven and walked up to Jesus and showed Him his legs where there used to be scars from all of the venous stasis. And even the other sores, and I see kev's bright smile, and Jesus saying come here my son, this is what I died for...to give you life eternal and perfect healing.....here are my hands, here are my feet, see my side.....it was all for you my son.....and kevin is able to walk with Jesus to the most beautiful stream, with water so clear that you could only dream about. and kevin starts to sing finally in a voice that he can hear as perfect.



God I so thank you for helping me learn your truths through this experience. You know it is hard for me to be alone. But in due time, if you see fit, and it is your person.....i will be ready for friends in my life again. because kevin helped me know i was worth it.











I Cross My Heart.........





sshhhhhh........its gonna be alright gracie.