i can actually see why David wrote this line in the Psalms. i think about my trip to Israel and there are so many times even today that i would love to be there because i could sense God so close to me. but i know He can be equally close to me here, and i covet that so.
today i have to be honest....i would like to shout out MY HELP COMES FROM THE LORD, MAKER OF HEAVEN AND EARTH. watching people today is such a different proposition from whenever i used to watch people as i was growing up. don't get me wrong.. i read books about the Lord's return to earth and all of the chaos that would ensue before that time, but actually living through this experience of watching people in this great state of confusion is just sometimes way too much for this small town girl to handle. I truly believe that on some level that God has turned people over to their own mind, because some of the behaviors that are being exhibited quite frankly make no sense. there are moments that i want to scream "People, don't you know that God holds the key to your peace?" I remind myself constantly to stay focused on God, and truthfully there are days I would love to be back in the Israeli desert.....near the sea of Gaililee in particular. i described that trip to israel as one of those things that when i came back here i felt as if i were leaving home... to this day i do not know why. i think it is because God changed me while i was there. and He still is working on me to this day. There was a book written that said that perhaps God allowed us to be married to become holy, not just whole. And sometimes even since losing my kevin, i have pondered on that truth.
physically please know that i am so drained. there are days i would love to come home from work, and just be with kevin and know that no one else mattered in this fallen world. but that cannot happen just yet. i tried really hard to pick a couple of stars in the sky for him, and its just not the same feeling like i had when my grandfather passed away. there are moments when i am outside at night that i cannot lift my head. and i believe it is because my heart is so heavy in those moments.....
this world is not my home, i'm just a passing through.
and i hear him say again. until then my love.
ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.................
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