REALITY

you know its funny...i pretty much lived in the same state my whole life,much the same customs, the same beliefs, alike foods. i thought i pretty much had it all together.

there was a time a few years ago, i literally fell in love with a song called "i believe in a hill called mt calvary. i believe "WHATEVER THE COST" and i thought i pretty much knew what that song meant. little did i know how much that would really come to mean to me.

essentially a transplant into an area that was completely new, with new customs , new foods, and definitely a new culture.....i really was tempted to drag kevin back to indiana with me. he kept reminding me "'dear, if it wasn't meant for us to be here, we wouldn't be here in the first place. just be patient." (oh sure, kev, me patient) i prayed God if i could just find one good person, much like abraham did of old, then i would give this area a chance.

but God, i wanna go back to Egypt.

it didn't work out that way at all. God did show me there was a godly physician here in the area that i could trust. but i have to admit, i had struggles with trusting others in my new life. there seemed to be so much lying, and doing things that i was not used to and it was very hard for me to get comfortable.

it was also very hard to understand the preconceptions people tend to have toward other people that are not like them. and those judgments hurt. i would come home crying, and kevin would say 'dear, stay true to your core".. i cried frequently over the preconceptions people would have about my husband, because i knew him through to the core, and sometimes society was not very kind to him. but he was a good man, and i learned a lot.

one of the main things that has been stenciled upon my heart is to treat everyone with the respect they deserve. "I will praise Him for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." if God is true and we know that He is, why should I not believe that all men are fearfully and wonderfully made. this by no means means that we are perfect, but it certainly can nullify the tendency that i might have on a bad day to poorly judge someone i might not understand.

the month before kevin died, he was admitted to the emergency room where i work, and i was finally able to see to nurses that night treat him as respectfully as they possibly could, and frankly i am sure if the truth were told, they could've been really disrespectful to my husband. i thank God that they were not. i truly believe they were angels to me and kevin as well. God bless them both.

i could speak so much more to this topic of judgment, but i will not, for i am learning daily just how much i can improve in this area.

i pray God will hold me accountable to treat all my patients with respect as He would treat them.

and i thank you my kevin for helping me learn not to judge those who are different from me.


until then.....i will love you forever......



shhhhhhhhhh.............................