i had an interesting conversation today with a co-worker about my husbands passing. and she made the comment that i did quite well during the memorial service all the way till now. i had to just turn the conversation off by telling this person that she did not see me when i came home.
today actually was quite an emotional day all the way around. i saw pictures of my youngest niece in her bridal gown and i could not help but tear up.....time has flown so quickly as i look at those two young ladies who seemed to be babies just yesterday. i also was still living in the memories of working with the elderly gentleman in a previous job, a very dear friend who i lost yesterday.
and on the upside i heard from a young man who i babysat when he was a baby (about 25 years ago.) its funny because sometimes i wonder much like george in its a wonderful life whether i have made an impact on all these kids over the years. Lord, I do so hope so...
back to where i am at right now in current time. i very quickly after kevin passed began using the chapel at the hospital to spend some time in scripture. that scripture works for me tonight as well.
Psalms 38:10 my heart panteth, my strength faileth me, as for the light of mine eyes, it also is gone from me.
i look around at potential changes, and i almost hyperventilate because i have not gotten to share them with kevin. i wish i could talk to him. it would make it alright...or at least i feel it would.
he would be sitting in his chair and when i come in he would say "Hi Booful". God, please let me hear that again someday.
I trust that someday I will have someone to care about in my life again, but I sure wish it could be kev.
I guess the most important part of that chapter in Psalms that I also agree with is verse 15 "for in thee O Lord, do I hope: thou wilt hear O Lord my God,"
I hope for that day to see my kevin again.........
and to hear him say....................
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...................
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