how can i let go?

i suppose that at this point it does me not good to share my heart with anyone i know because i am not even sure where i am going.  in my mind's eye, i can see Jesus sitting beside me much like you see in the facebook posts just waiting.  i just keep thinking if i let go of that protected little girl hiding inside of me, that i am going to be bouncing off the walls.  You know it really does all go back to control.  I think it is a lot of how I got into this mode of thinking on myself as a sassy thoroughbred.  and God allowed me to run into Kevin to try to show me that I can be out of control of things for a while and allow someone to love me. I really lost control when Paula passed, and I guess that is the crux of things.  the idea that I think I have control over squat.  But how can I let go?   If I let go, who is going to protect my heart?  who is going to keep me safe? WHY AM I HERE?????????

I JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY..........