I miss you Bear

Oh boy, there is so much that I wish I could tell you Kevin. I in my minds eye can see you sitting in heaven watching over everything, somehow wishing you could reach out and hold me while going through this crazy thing called life. But today I will reach to you in my mind and my heart. You have been on my mind a lot lately, not in a creepy way per say, but in a way that I wish you were here. I just keep thinking how solid, how strong you remained in what seemed like crazy chaos. So you may or may not realize how sick Paula is. She is such a trooper. I don't know, much like in the situations with you, how either of you have stood such a deluge on your bodies. i actually found myself so able to relate to some of mom's exhaustion, although i will never be able to tap into that thing that is called motherhood. it actually is okay though because i fear that were i actually a mom, some of this pain i feel over these changes would overwhelm me and i would not be able to function. We also had a friend lose her son in just the most freak accident that could ever happen to someone, and i sit here almost feeling like it was not real. like it was a bad story line on a television show, and yet the reality is that this wonderful lady has to put her son to rest this coming week. Life can really kick ya in the pants. Both Aunt Helena and Uncle Roger (our version of Elvis) have had strokes. Aunt Helena apparently was more mild, Uncle Roger not so much. Both of these are reminders that I am getting very very old very quickly. I want things to all stay the same ......that Uncle Roger will be the same guy who nursed that wound to the side of my head when i was a kid. That Aunt Helena will still be the one most gifted with hospitality and hugs for all who showed up at her door. if i recall correctly, you my dear husband were the recipient of those hugs. I know this would get us into one of those big discussions like we used to have if we were able to actually talk, (and one day we will), but i am so getting the feeling that the church or should i say CHURCH is getting attacked in a way that it never has before. I look at Union Chapel, and I am shocked at how many times they have been kicked this past year. I look at Winneconne and I know without a doubt that the enemy does not want that new church built. In talking with Wendy, I realize that their church is being hit as well. Sometimes it reminds me of that book that Dave had me read way back about 200 years ago :) called "Piercing the Darkness" Come to think of it, I think I am going to find that book and re read it. Perhaps it will help shed some light on that vision that I had. Just save a place for me Kevin. I look forward to that day that we will reunite, and i will be able to forever thank God for bringing me to you. I miss you Bear.